Sexuality Coach

Rejuice your life, reclaim your body, reinvigorate your outlook!

BODY TALK: Decoding Signals from Inner Space

Suppose there was one main source of communication that was personalized for each resident in your whole town. Your phone would give a certain ring, you’d pick it up, and there would be a message just for you, an answer you needed.

What if you hadn’t asked the question? No problem. Control Central would anticipate it and provide the answer before you knew you wanted it.

Well, hallelujah! There is such a source. It’s your mind/body. Every emotion announces itself through your body.

You received amazingly informative signals when you paid attention.

 

Well, OK then. Let’s look at the signals your body sends when you are sexually aroused. And remember, just as that phone knew exactly which ring was uniquely yours, so your arousal signals are personal. Different people receive them in different ways.

The sensation of being turned on: your body’s own encoding might be:

I feel a throbbing in my pelvis, almost a pounding. I know it’s because my blood has rushed to make me hard.

I get a kind of tickle, almost like I need to scratch it, but I know that is NOT what will relieve it. And I get really wet and hot.

My whole genital area pulses in a certain way, and I know I’m about to come.

I feel a warm tingle and my whole crotch feels full, like I have a golf ball down there, but it feels SO GOOD.

It’s like a miniature tsunami is coming at me, and when it breaks over me, I feel like I’m being shot into outer space.

My dick stands straight up! How’s that for a reliable signal?

 

And here’s a very VERY important signal to decode accurately:

I’ve learned that there is a difference between being horny and in love, and I have to keep my brain on full alert, or I’ll start telling myself they’re the same thing.

Whatever it is, let’s talk about it. I can help!

Just click HERE for an email form or call 214.361.0500, leave your name and number. Either way, I’ll call you back to arrange an appointment. It's easy. — Roz

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Be Intentionally Sexy!

Sexy shouldn’t be a four-letter word.

It’s your birthright. It’s innate. It’s part of every woman’s intrinsic being.

However you look, whatever your weight, however young or old, you have your own unique attractiveness, warmth, twinkle.

All it takes is the desire and the decision, and working with Coach Roz, to get back in touch with the playful sensuality you were born with.

You had it at age two, and you can find it again.

You may be ready to
Be Intentionally Sexy if

  • you want to feel sexy, sassy, and full of life
  • you want to be comfortable in your body and take loving care of it
  • you’d love to feel a certain grace and consciousness in how you move
  • you want confidence that comes from inside, not dependent on others
  • you’d like to taste, touch, inhale, listen, and see life more delightedly
  • you want to boost your self-esteem, fun factor, and playfulness
  • you want to reclaim your life passion!

 P.S. I’ll personally attest that sex can be fun well into your Golden Years. Go for it!

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Steps for intentional evolution of your value and intrinsic beauty.

We’ll expand on how-to’s later, as you step further into your own personal Intentional Sexiness.

1) Release self-blame and judgment. Regret something in the past? Good! Regret it and then release it. Whatever it was/is, it contributed to who you are right now. Its life lessons helped you move toward wisdom.

2) Appreciate. Start a list of all the things you appreciate about your mate, your life, and yourself. Right now, in this country, in that house, with that safety and beauty and love. Own it! and feel its deep contentment.

3) Love your body. Not necessarily your figure, but your wonderful magical self-healing there-for-you body! It is a marvelous, intricate system of mini-systems, each with its own unique operating instructions. It breathes, pulses, nourishes, builds, and sustains you for a lifetime. What a gift! Add it to your Appreciation List.

4) List what you want more of and less of—in your heart, your attitude, your day-to-day life, and your bedroom. Be clear-headed about it. You’ve been building the list unconsciously for a while; now it’s time to honor it.

5) Pay attention to potential pleasures. Savor your food. Deeply inhale favorite fragrances. Really listen to loved sounds. Luxuriate in your skin senses. Gaze at precious sights, from sunsets to kind eyes. In other words, wake up all your senses.

6) Enhance your sensual wardrobe. Acquire garments that make you feel beautiful. Maybe a silk teddy, or lounging pajamas, or a nightgown that falls in one long sweep from spaghetti straps to ankles. You’ll know it when you find it. Bypass the naughty ones for now, unless you feel extra-specially beautiful in them.

7) Get inspired. For openers, read this book: Succulent Wild Woman, by Sark. It’s 14 years old but timeless, and right now Amazon offers dozens of used ones for one cent plus four bucks postage. Or be a sport and get a brand new one, still under $15 including shipping. It’s brilliant and beautiful and celebratory.

8) Be more playful. Grin, give meaningful sidelong glances, make out just for making-out’s sake. Play Scrabble, with the winner getting a slave for an hour. Consider strip poker. Put on lively music and boogie around the house by yourself. Blow bubbles in the park. Draw a whipped-cream heart on somebody’s tummy and lick it off. Show some cleavage. Start to experiment with Naughtiness, and pick up its pace when you feel ready to.

9) Love yourself. Become your own best friend, to support and appreciate and counsel lovingly. You teach people how to treat you, and the best way is by the example of how you treat yourself.

Whatever it is, let’s talk about it. I can help!

Just click HERE for an email form or call 214.361.0500, leave your name and number. Either way, I’ll call you back to arrange an appointment. It's easy. — Roz

 

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Managing Conflict – Hollywood Style!

No less than Cecil B. DeMille or Martin Scorcese, you are in charge of the movie called “Your Life”.

Your parents were the original producers, but now you’re the boss. You are in charge of contract negotiations, script rewrites, casting, and directing.

Here are some techniques for resolving conflicts and disputes in real life.

SHOOTOUT AT THE OK CORRAL (emphasis on OK)

Bugsy Malone is a “gangster” movie in which all the characters are kids and the machine guns are loaded with marshmallows. If you and your partner or colleague really need a showdown, load your guns with marshmallows. And set these rules to protect the cast from injury:

  1. Limit the scene. This is a discussion about one subject. Stick to that subject.
  2. Know your line … a clear definition of the subject (what’s bothering you), how you feel about it, and what resolution you want. Dialogue: “Let me tell you what’s going on with me. I’m feeling/concerned about ___, and what I’d like is____ .”
    This approach points your finger at you, not the other person, and so does not invite defensiveness and escalation.
  3. Take five. If tempers are escalating, call a short Time Out. You are not abandoning each other, just taking a break to get control of your reactions and turn them into responses.
  4. Respect the other player. Be kind. You probably cast each other because you liked each other.

HEAD ‘EM OFF AT THE PASS!

In old Westerns the sheriff cried, “This way, boys! We’ll head ‘em off at the pass!” The posse cut across, through or around, and sure enough, headed the bad guys off.

You can do the same thing with conflicts that aren’t necessary. Your early warning system tells you when your Bad Guys are gathering inside. You feel irritable, defensive, hair-triggered.

Anger, like some drugs, puts you into your lizard brain. Here are some ways you can stay with your higher power in cognition and character.

1. Know your cues.

We all have pet peeves or recurring situations that tend to put us over the edge. Maybe it’s getting dressed (you are not a morning person), or drive-time traffic. Be aware of your mood and stay prepared to respond instead of react.

2. Make those role transitions.

Find what works to move you from one role (job, work-out, whatever) to another (playful parent, loving spouse). Give yourself a chance to decompress between one pressure and the next.

Anger is like a tea kettle; when it’s about to boil, you need to turn down the heat and chill out.

  • Costume changes. For some people, just changing uniforms is enough gear-shifting. Off with the pin-strip. e or uniform, on with the shorts and sandals or the sweats. Off with the pantyhose, on with the jeans.
  • Background music. In movies you can tell by music cues when changes are about to occur. In real life, choose the music you know can help you set the mood you want.
  • Action! Change your activity, change your attitude. Exercise, swim, take a walk — they are all good strategies for blowing off steam.
  • Stuntperson. If you just aren’t up to the task, hand it off to your partner, with the understanding that you’ll be his or her stand-in when needed.

3. Stop action.

We’ve all seen the science fiction movie or drama in which all the characters are in freeze-frame except the hero, who can walk among them. It’s a stop-the-world moment. You can do that — just install an imaginary Pause Button in the palm of your hand. Press it when you feel irritation or defensiveness start to rise inside. You create a breathing space that lets you to choose your next behavior, not be at the mercy of an old script written by your seething or martyred Unconscious.

4. Breathe.

Take a few deep breaths and exhale slowly. Now count down from 10 to 1, telling yourself that with each descending number you are getting calmer and more relaxed.

5. Big Deal Scale.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how big a deal is a slight speed bump on the roadway of life? Which is more important, getting something else checked off your list, or taking a few minutes to play with your kids or your guitar? Go on, heat up a can of soup and spread a sandwich instead of making a Big Production Number.

6. Character motivation.

If you have a habit of being defensive, remind yourself that somebody’s remark or action probably was not about you personally. You may be the star of your show, but you aren’t the center of the universe.

7. Quiet on the set!

Sometimes your irritable mood just won’t go away, in which case you should (a) tell your loved ones it’s not about them, and (b) give them fair warning to give you some space. Remember the Bette Davis line in All About Eve, “Fasten your seatbelts, kids, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.”

 

Follow these Hollywood rules and you’ll find yourself engaging in less conflict, and when you DO engage, it will be swift and less painful than your old way.

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TOOTHPASTE WORMS

Or, What did I inherit along the way that makes me special?
(or, what might I still be doing that doesn’t work for me, and that I have the power to change right now?)

Are you still doing stuff that’s been obsolete for years, but it’s bone-deep in your Unconscious? I don’t mean just prewashing the dishes before you load them into the dishwasher, I mean really weird stuff you learned in your family. It’s hard to give up, because it’s so automatic you probably don’t question it.

My grandmother, Fairy, used to tell the story (which she probably stole from the Reader’s Digest) about how when she was a young wife she always used to cut her roasts in two and put the larger portion in one pan and the smaller in another. She had always done it that way. When someone finally asked her why, she said it was because her mother had. Finally she asked her mother why, and the old lady said, “Well, honey, I don’t know why you do it, but I didn’t have a pan big enough for a whole roast.”

Fairy’s version was greatly expanded, but then she always used to say, “Honey, any story worth telling is worth putting a top hat and cane on.”

I was seventeen before I found out that not all people put toothpaste on their thumbs.

We had four family members and one bathroom. Also one tube of toothpaste. If we all scraped our brushes against the same toothpaste tube, weren’t we spreading germs? Of course! So mother taught us to squeeze out a little worm of Colgate onto the first joint of our left thumb, apparently reasoning that germs are not easily transmitted via thumb backs. (Never mind that the backs of our thumbs might be germy too. You’ve got to draw the line somewhere.) We would then pick up the little toothpaste worm by the bristles of the brush and brush our teeth.

This is an actual historical fact, which my sister will attest to.

I spent my entire childhood and adolescence putting toothpaste on my thumb, then picking it up with the toothbrush, and then brushing my teeth.

Fast forward to my first day at college. Big communal bathroom in a girls’ dorm, rows of sinks, rows of toothbrushing girls. I am humming away, doing my toothpaste-on-thumb ritual, when I realize that the girl at the next sink is staring at me in the mirror, her arm frozen halfway to her mouth.

“What are you doing?” Silly question. “I’m brushing my teeth.”

“But why did you put the toothpaste on your thumb?”

Dead silence. Moment of truth. No answer. (Doesn’t everyone?)

(Because I’m weird, honey, and I come from weird people. I’m the only one who uses this tube of toothpaste, but this is how you do it.)


What weird habits do you have from childhood? What bizarre family behavior has become automatic with you? Send them to me, and I’ll publish the most outlandish in my newsletter, with or without your name, as you wish. We eccentrics have to stick together.

Eccentricity loves company!

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Moving, Mending and Maximizing

When we were all just starting out, I had a friend who moved every year from one wonderful huge old flat to another in an artistic, shabby-but-genteel part of town. High ceilings, space heaters, antiquated kitchens, tiny bathrooms, two closets, infinite charm.

She did two things I remember with admiration.

(1) She had a wonderfully eclectic art collection, all cheap and all amazing. She never hung the painting, collage, prints in the same way twice. What was featured over the fireplace in the former apartment now graced the bathroom, etc. What had been a dresser in the last place became a dining room sideboard in the new one. Or the dining room became a cozy library.

(2) After we friends had carried in the last box, she would unpack her grandmother’s cast iron skillet. It was well-seasoned over three generations. Marsha would fry up bacon, then onions in the bacon grease. (We had never heard of cholesterol, and bacon and onions was a Southern staple.)

When the bacon-and-onion aroma had permeated the whole apartment, she had claimed her new home. It was her sacred space till next year when she was ready for a fresh experience.

To those of us who were stuck in situational stability, her adventuring was a revelation. We didn’t yet realize that periodically moving to new digs and redecorating or rearranging your life was a way of life, an attitude, not necessarily requiring packing up actual boxes.

Where would you like to move, metaphorically, today?

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