Roz Van Meter, MA, LMFT
Sexuality Coach

© Roz Van Meter, 2002, 2009

Recently I was invited to talk on a radio show about Hot Sex. I replied that I would rather talk about No-Fault Sex! Hot is greatly overhyped and overrated. Many of us aren’t interested in hot sex three times a week, which can become like a pop quiz we have to excel at. We’d prefer playful, tender, comfy, and always intimate lovemaking — plus hot from time to time, of course, but not as a goal.

In fact, I am anti-goal-oriented in many aspects of life, but particularly around sex. Orgasm is not the point, it’s just the climax. The desire should be for pleasure, connection, intimacy, a meeting of minds/bodies/spirits, or maybe just a darling afternoon romp, topped off with the climax but not point-focused on “achieving” it. We folks in western cultures get too fixated on Outcome to the detriment of Process. We don’t pay loving attention to the journey, we often just ride hell-for-leather toward the destination. And what wonderful stuff we ignore along the way.

I’m speaking here of couples who are past the randy, obsessive, wild-ass infatuation stage, which can’t last forever and would become a bore or a burden if it did.

No-Fault Sex isn’t a contest, doesn’t give grades or make anybody feel inadequate. It’s sex that allows for times when energy’s a bit low. Sex that includes, “Honey, you know what I’d really like tonight?” or “Baby, do that a little slower. Ohh, yeah, that’s perfect.” … instead of “Not so fast and rough, damn it!”

We get graded all our lives, from parents and teachers and coaches and bosses. We don’t actually have to receive a C-minus to get the message that we weren’t good enough. Let’s abolish that attitude in the bedroom! Let’s make simple requests, give loving feedback, and not compare each other with some fantasy bed-rattling sex scene we saw in a movie. That is so not real.

So go ahead. Try it! Try starting out with the assumption that you and your partner are perfect just as you are, you’d just like to honestly share what you really want and expand your options in bed. Make requests without implying blame. Have some joyous, satisfying no-fault sex tonight. Get all the way into your sensuality. Enjoy the journey and your deeper connection. No competition with actors, no need to ring the bell at the carnival to prove how strong you are — just close, intimate lovemaking.

Unless otherwise attributed, all material is written and edited by Roz Van Meter, MA. All rights reserved. You may reprint any of this material if you include the above copyright notice and a link to http://SexualityCoach.com in the credits. Also please send a copy of the publication, along with a note referencing the reprint, to roz@coachroz.com. Thanks!

	Jump-start your intimacy connection with this free re-awakening gift, based on my 30 years’ experience as a relationship and sex therapist. Request my FREE six-part Intimacy Enhancement Series–delivered straight to your email inbox, with ideas for clear, effective communication and renewed sensuality. It’s a simple, safe and fun guide to putting the joy and passion back into your relationship. You’ll also be subscribed to Lovin’ Spoonfuls, a tiny semi-monthly e-zine with tips, resources, and real stories to lighten your heart and strengthen your passion. I think you’ll really enjoy it, but if you’re overwhelmed with big old e-newsletters and e-zines, you can unsubscribe at any time. I want you to get what you want, just the way you want it.
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Whatever your situation—if something isn’t working or you simply want more—I’ll help you get more light and warmth into your bedroom, deepen your love, and enhance your pleasure and intimacy.

I listen deeply, understand quickly, and connect with my clients. I’ll learn your stories, talk your language, help you fix what’s challenging you, and expand your own gifts, pleasure, and passion.

Whatever it is, let’s talk about it. I can help!

Just click “Get 15 Minutes Free” to set up your free mini-conference, or call 214.361.0500, leave your name and number, and I’ll call you back. —Roz

Celebrate your intimacy and create a joyously satisfying sex life!

• increase your pleasure, sensuality, excitement
• explore and reclaim your libido and passion
• boost your confidence and self-esteem
• reduce your stress level, including bedroom pressure
• get specific techniques for relaxation and intimacy
• learn skills for overcoming sexual dysfunction
• love your body, not be fixated on your figure or physique
• communicate what you really want and hear what your partner wants
• learn masterful techniques to heighten erotic energy
• have more fun . . . Have a lot more fun!

For more than three decades, as a licensed marriage therapist and certified sex therapist in Dallas, Texas, I have helped thousands of people understand, enjoy, and share their sexuality with mutual delight. Now I’m bringing that help to individuals and couples all across the country.

Maybe you’ve fallen into the “we’ve become like roommates” scenario or “one of us has a misplaced libido” or simply “we’re tired of the same-old-same-old.” Perhaps you have limited sexual experience, or none, and you’re apprehensive about how to begin. You may have some performance pressure, or pain. Maybe some old unresolved resentments or traumas are humming away underground, sabotaging your trust and ease.

For your sexuality to be expressed in a comfortable, safe, and exciting way, you need to learn what might be getting in the way. I’ll provide real-world help to create the kind of sexual expression you both want. It honors and strengthens your relationship, the most important ingredient for sexual satisfaction.

I believe in cultivating “No-Fault Intimacy!” You can discover reasons for sexual dissatisfaction, disinterest, even dysfunction, without assigning blame.

After we have discovered the Why of an obstacle or challenge, we can create the How that promotes sensual, intimate sex, tailored specifically to your own rhythms and relationship.

UNDER THE BLANKET

Sometimes life in all its forms—family, careers, finances, negative experiences from long ago, embarrassment, miscommunication, performance pressures— can create dissatisfactions and dysfunctions. If that is your situation, here are some of the reasons you might be seeking a relationship/sexuality coach. See which one(s) you relate to. I have experience in all of them.

• ED – erectile dysfunction (getting or maintaining) - ladies, take our ED Quiz for Women and learn how you can assist your man in coping with this
• rapid ejaculation
• arousal problems
• orgasm problems (inorgasmia)
• painful intercourse
• diminished or lost libido (sexual desire)
• frequency issues
• communication problems
• stress from finances, new baby, work
• loss of sexual attraction
• boredom, restlessness, interest elsewhere
• excessive use of porn, especially online
• loss of trust (due to deception or infidelity)
• anxiety about “the first time”
• body image issues, yours or your partner’s
• excessive masturbation
• sexual obsession/addiction

WHAT NEXT?

The navigation bars will take you to ideas and information I think you’ll enjoy. Take your time, mosey through this website, and give me feedback on what you found helpful or would like to follow up on.