Contact

If you live in or near Dallas, call (214) 361-0500 and leave your name, number, and the best time for me to return your call. We will have that free 30-minute session to learn about your goals and see whether you would like to continue with a later appointment.

My office is very easy to get to. From Central Expressway (75) you take Exit 6 (Walnut Hill). Stay on the northbound service road to the second street, La Sierra. Turn right — I’m at 5445 La Sierra, Suite 313.

If you live elsewhere, we will still have that free 30-minute session and then, if you want to, we’ll schedule ongoing appointments by telephone. Just leave your name and phone number at 214.361.0500, and tell me a good time to call you back. At that time we’ll either immediately have our 30 minutes, or make a definite appointment for it.

I look forward to meeting you!

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REDRAWING YOUR PERSONAL MAP

You have been drawing your Life Map since you were very young. Part of its structure is genetic, your neurological inheritance. Most of it, though, you picked up through your perceptions and experiences, through what you saw around you, how you interpreted it, which learnings you took in and what you chose to keep or discard.

People are always working on their Map, consciously or unconsciously. Those who are just xeroxing their xeroxes tend to go in circles, looping back to where they’ve already been, often dismayed.

So here’s my challenge: Redraw your Life Map on purpose! Make it truly relevant to your current life or business circumstance, and ideal for arriving at your future goals.

Pack light.
Choose your strategies.
Build in some rest, play, and joy.
Give everyone a break, including yourself.

Hey, it’s your Map! You can do anything you want to with it. You have rewrite rights as long as you live.

While you’re at it, try writing yourself as a Hero. And remember, the Hero can be male or female.

The Hero’s Journey, in all its aspects through many cultures, has certain elements:

The Hero is on a quest of aspiration, to acquire something cherished or solve a difficult impasse.
The Hero will encounter many obstacles that must be overcome through courage, ingenuity, and changed awareness.
A Wise Advisor gives the Hero tools, talismans, and counsel. Some of them are immediately useful to the Hero. Some s/he does not understand until the need arises to use them, but there they are, close at hand.
Often the Hero must rewrite the map to fit changing terrain and circumstances, or get around unexpected challenges.
The Hero may take companions along on the quest. Some will be there from the outset, and others will appear on the journey. Each has a contribution to make.
The Hero will emerge triumphant in the end, transformed, with a life made more meaningful and satisfying.

So, redraw your Treasure Map to take yourself where you want to go–past obstacles, over hurdles, across the Sea of Discouragement, to the life you really, really want.

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WHO TURNED OFF DELIGHT?

When you were a toddler (great word!) you found delight in almost everything. Your job was to learn about this world you’d been plunked down into, and you were overjoyed with experimentation.

You loved to splat your hands in the dog’s water bowl, check out stuff with your fingers and mouth, bang and unfold and peer and taste and shriek.

Delight was turned on, glowing brightly in your wonderful, fervent little spirit.

Who turned off Delight?

You did, for very sound reasons. You turned it off in order to MAKE IT in the world around you, to please the authority folks, to be found acceptable or stay out of trouble, or maybe, literally, to save your life.

You learned to be “appropriate.”

Parents feel an enormous responsibility to prepare their children for adult life. That is the well-meant reason they lay all the Shoulds and Oughts on their kids. You’re probably doing the same to yours, to help them learn what’s socially acceptable.

The problem is, sometimes those kids grow up to be so Appropriate that they don’t have a lot of fun. They mean to, but there just doesn’t seem to be time for much foolishness or even pleasure.

I recently visited San Diego, a paradise of a city. Down by the beach there was a percussion group, about eighteen people playing various kinds of drums. Each drum had its own distinct voice. The musicians were playing an ask-and-answer kind of rhythm, talking drums. The leader had a loud whistle in his mouth the whole time, and when he blew it, the conversation of drums shifted tempo, as if the subject had gotten changed.

People sat on the sea wall and listened, but a couple of toddlers and I seemed to be the only ones jigging our bodies to the rhythms. Sometimes it’s delicious to be immature.

The Power is still on inside! Punch out, shift gears, run through the sprinkler, eat more finger food, slurp some chocolate, bring your Beloved flowers, make love more often. S-l-o-w down.

Turn Delight back on!

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IN PRAISE OF NO-FAULT SEX

© Roz Van Meter, 2002, 2009

Recently I was invited to talk on a radio show about Hot Sex. I replied that I would rather talk about No-Fault Sex! Hot is greatly overhyped and overrated. Many of us aren’t interested in hot sex three times a week, which can become like a pop quiz we have to excel at. We’d prefer playful, tender, comfy, and always intimate lovemaking — plus hot from time to time, of course, but not as a goal.

In fact, I am anti-goal-oriented in many aspects of life, but particularly around sex. Orgasm is not the point, it’s just the climax. The desire should be for pleasure, connection, intimacy, a meeting of minds/bodies/spirits, or maybe just a darling afternoon romp, topped off with the climax but not point-focused on “achieving” it. We folks in western cultures get too fixated on Outcome to the detriment of Process. We don’t pay loving attention to the journey, we often just ride hell-for-leather toward the destination. And what wonderful stuff we ignore along the way.

I’m speaking here of couples who are past the randy, obsessive, wild-ass infatuation stage, which can’t last forever and would become a bore or a burden if it did.

No-Fault Sex isn’t a contest, doesn’t give grades or make anybody feel inadequate. It’s sex that allows for times when energy’s a bit low. Sex that includes, “Honey, you know what I’d really like tonight?” or “Baby, do that a little slower. Ohh, yeah, that’s perfect.” … instead of “Not so fast and rough, damn it!”

We get graded all our lives, from parents and teachers and coaches and bosses. We don’t actually have to receive a C-minus to get the message that we weren’t good enough. Let’s abolish that attitude in the bedroom! Let’s make simple requests, give loving feedback, and not compare each other with some fantasy bed-rattling sex scene we saw in a movie. That is so not real.

So go ahead. Try it! Try starting out with the assumption that you and your partner are perfect just as you are, you’d just like to honestly share what you really want and expand your options in bed. Make requests without implying blame. Have some joyous, satisfying no-fault sex tonight. Get all the way into your sensuality. Enjoy the journey and your deeper connection. No competition with actors, no need to ring the bell at the carnival to prove how strong you are — just close, intimate lovemaking.

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About Roz

First of all, here’s more about my credentials.

• AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (now Diplomate) since 1979

• Licensed Marriage Therapist since 1979

• Certified Life Coach since 2002

• 30-plus years in private practice

• Masters degree in Communication in Human Relations

• Taught at four colleges

• Author of two current books (see ROZ’S BOOKS link)

AASECT is the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, the pre-eminent governing and credentialing body for this field. I have earned the highest designation AASECT gives. We’re talking about literally thousands of hours of training and experience just to get that certification, plus many hundreds of hours of continuing professional education.

Some other details about Roz‘s practice

And then there are those 30-plus years of experience in private practice. Nothing beats experience!

Your relationship is the most important aspect of sexual satisfaction. You’ll learn how to communicate more clearly and get reconnected in ways that really work for you. How people talk to each other—and to themselves—can make all the difference.

“Roz is beyond brilliant. She is the uber-coach! … When Roz was a weekly guest on my NY radio show, she lit up the phone lines with people seeking her wonderful mix of wisdom, down-home humor, and real-world strategies.” —Dr. Jonny Bowden, associate editor of Total Health magazine and author of The 150 Healthiest Foods on Earth: The Surprising, Unbiased Truth About What You Should Eat and Why

Whatever it is, let’s talk about it. I can help!

Just click HERE for an email form or call 214.361.0500, leave your name and number. Either way, I’ll call you back to arrange an appointment. It's easy. — Roz

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Sexuality Coach

Tag Archives: roz van meter

Contact

REDRAWING YOUR PERSONAL MAP

WHO TURNED OFF DELIGHT?

IN PRAISE OF NO-FAULT SEX

About Roz

Whatever it is, let’s talk about it. I can help!