Mom Wants All the Details!

Dear Roz,

I just started dating someone a few months ago, and my mom wants to know all of the details — ALL of them! She thinks it’s ok to ask me about sex with my boyfriend. I just don’t feel comfortable telling her anything about it, but I know it upsets her if I don’t share details with her. It’s just so weird. What should I do?

—A confused grown daughter

===> Poor Mom. It’s been a long time since she was a newbie to the sex world, and she may be trying to take a stroll down Memory Lane. Or maybe she wasn’t allowed the sexual freedom you have, and she wants to live it vicariously. And, of course, she just may be a pushy mom with lousy boundaries around privacy.

Regardless of the reasons, you can (and should) tell her with firmness but affection, “What goes on between Thomas and me is so private, Mom. Please don’t ask me to share it, and please don’t guilt-trip me when I don’t want to. You’ve done a great job of raising me to have integrity, and it just doesn’t feel right for me to share our love life with you. But I will tell you that he is kind and sweet and honorable, and he treats me really well.”

You have to set boundaries on everyone, even your precious mother, who tries to make you do something that doesn’t fit for you. Just do it gently, so she doesn’t feel ashamed about her curiosity. And DON’T let her guilt-trip you!

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How Often Is Often Enough?

Dear Roz,

I’ve been married for five years, and everything is going great. There’s one thing that worries me: our sex life. I know it’s been asked before, but how many times a week should a married couple have sex? And is it ok if my husband and I do it less than the norm? We really don’t feel the need to do it as much as we did when we were first dating. Should I start to worry?

Thanks, RT (from Miami)

===>: I’m so glad you wrote, because I want to assure you that whatever frequency works for both of you is exactly right. Couples go through many sex drive phases in a lifetime. They begin with hot infatuation and the appeal of newness. Then they cool down a little to a comfortable rhythm of familiarity. They go through times of temporary abstinence—certain times during pregnancy and when the baby is newborn, the time just before a major exam, etc. Then desire flares back up to fire at other times.

The point is, as long as you are having the frequency that fits for both of you, all is well and lovely. I hope you also enjoy lots of holding, kissing, and caressing between go-all-the-way sex dates.

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Just click HERE for an email form or call 214.361.0500, leave your name and number. Either way, I’ll call you back to arrange an appointment. It's easy. — Roz

For more than three decades, as a licensed marriage therapist and certified sex therapist in Dallas, Texas, I have helped thousands of people understand, enjoy, and share their sexuality with mutual delight. Now I’m bringing that help to individuals and couples all across the country.

For your sexuality to be expressed in a comfortable, safe, and exciting way, you need to learn what might be getting in the way. I’ll provide real-world help to create the kind of sexual expression you both want. It honors and strengthens your relationship, the most important ingredient for sexual satisfaction.

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After we have discovered the Why of an obstacle or challenge, we can create the How that promotes sensual, intimate sex, tailored specifically to your own rhythms and relationship.

UNDER THE BLANKET

Here are some of the reasons you might be seeking a relationship/sexuality coach. See which one(s) you relate to. I have experience in all of them.

ED – erectile dysfunction (getting or maintaining) - ladies, take our ED Quiz for Women and learn how you can assist your man in coping with this
rapid ejaculation
arousal problems
orgasm problems (inorgasmia)
painful intercourse
diminished or lost libido (sexual desire)
frequency issues
communication problems
stress from finances, new baby, work

WHAT NEXT?

The navigation bars will take you to ideas and information I think you’ll enjoy. Take your time, mosey through this website, and give me feedback on what you found helpful or would like to follow up on.

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Sexuality Coach

Tag Archives: sex life